Mommy Diaries: Emotional Me

I don’t know if this feeling is cause by the come back of my PCOS but I really feel so emotional these past few days. I recently found out that I have PCOS again (Yes! Bumalik ang dating nawala!) when I undergo TranV last May. I used to visit my OB Gyne because my monthly period became irregular again and my doctor found out that I have PCOS on both side of my ovaries and the fact na I have retroverted uterus again. #Saklap

Anyway, to make the long story short I got emotional whenever I look at my kids. They are growing up fast, I can’t believe that Rhian will turn 3 next month and Rhaine is now 1 year and 3 months already. Asan na ang mga baby na hinehele ko noon? Yung mga baby na halos karga ko lang lagi? Yung mga baby na naka unli latch sa akin at ayaw bumitaw sa dede ko? Hayz. This is reality, time really flies so fast!

It’s just like yesterday when I gave birth to them and now look at these cutie patoties, ang sasayang mga bata. Sometimes when I have a conversation with our panganay, kala mo kumakausap na ko ng matanda eh. Ganon na ba talaga ang mga toddlers today? I’m not perfect person but I must have done something right to deserve them in my life. We are facing difficulties in life, marriage and financial aspect but by looking at them give us strength na kaya namin to at kakayanin for them.

I feel so guilty whenever I got home late and hindi ko na sila naaabutang gising, then aalis pa ko ng bahay for work ng tulog pa sila. My kids need me, my full attention, my love and everything. While writing this post, I got teary eyed because last night I scolded my kids because I’m so tired, tao lang rin naman ako at napapagod rin. My kids are crying non-stop and it’s already late in the evening, honestly, naubos ang pacensya ko kaya napalo ko yung bunso not knowing that they only need me, they want me to be on their side before going to sleep, that they want me to sing a lullaby song and comfort them but what I did is definitely wrong and not acceptable and I’m so sorry for that as they don’t deserve that kind of treatment especially from me.

I cannot promise that I will not do it again in the future; instead I vowed to be more patient and be reminded that they are the greatest gifts that God gave to me. Rhian and Rhaine are my life and my everything. Again, I’m not perfect but I can say that I’m the best mom for my children.